Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
