He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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