I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
