we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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