Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
