They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
