All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
