Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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