So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
