She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
