Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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