Im at strip club and am horny
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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