I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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