Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
