Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
