i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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