your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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