I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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