i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
