I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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