i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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