Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
