I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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