Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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