I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
