Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
