So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
