My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
