i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
