He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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