if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
