I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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