wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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