Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
