I want to stick my p in your. b.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize