The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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