You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
