Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
