She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
