when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
