Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i dont even know how to be here
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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