I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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