everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
