Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
