The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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