I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's not a foreskin expert like you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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