Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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