Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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