we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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