Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize