What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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