evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
