And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
