just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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