I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
