Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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