at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
