for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love accidental penises.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
