Who did Billy Mays play for?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
