Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
