i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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