Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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